Hello, pretties. I bet you thought I'd quit with this, hadn't you? I sort of thought I had, too. No particular reason, other than I find it hard to find things to write about when things are chugging along at a steady, contented pace. It's been a while, so to catch up...
I quit smoking in February, and haven't had so much as a puff in just over six months. You'd think I'd have more money, what with the not buying a pack of cigarettes a day, but no, I'm still broke. But I smell better now!
The quitting smoking didn't work so well with the losing weight. I'm smoke free and fat, now. I honestly don't care so much -- the bad back has kept me from doing as much as I'd like, exercise-wise, and I'd rather be fat, healthy, and pain-free than skinny, smoking, and hobbling around whimpering.
I'm hoping to have a better job at the Giant Institute of Higher Learning soon -- two people left recently, and both of them had jobs I could happily do. The downside is that both of them were good friends, but they're moving on to better things. Now I'm just waiting for the jobs to be posted.
The best news last: my housemate is leaving in a couple of weeks, and Jeff is moving in with me. I'm thrilled to be rid of the housemate, as he drives me right straight up the wall with the passive-aggressiveness and the never, ever cleaning anything at all, and the silent treatment I routinely get for no reason. (To be fair, I'm sure I drive him batty, too, but I rarely intend to.) I'm much, much more thrilled that Jeff is going to be living with me. We've been together now for a year and a half, and, as weird as it sounds, that's one of the reasons I've been quiet lately. That sounds bad, but I don't mean it that way -- I just find it hard to articulate how I'm feeling now, in relation to when I started this journal. Then, I was married to someone who I loved, but who abused me. That ended, and the messy divorce shit happened. And things were calm, but not happy. I figured I was okay with it, though. Now... I just had to sit back and think "This is really happeneing, isn't it?" Now, I'm happier than I thought I would ever be. I didn't think this could happen for me -- this contentment, this joy in being with someone. I didn't think anyone would want me, just me, without wanting me to change for them. And it alternately scares me and makes me do a little happy dance. I keep thinking I should feel nervous about Jeff moving in, about the next steps we've been talking about, but I don't. You know what the best thing in the world is? It's making him laugh -- not the reserved chuckle he usually does, but to crack him up -- he has this infectious belly laugh that just makes me happy. It's when he holds my hand in his sleep, and makes little happy sounds when I rub his back. It's in the way he looks at me. And this is really happening, and I'm happy.