It seems I have ear infections. Yes, plural: both ears are all stopped up, and hurt like hell. I have never had an ear infection. According to my mom (who I called and whined at when my ears started hurting) I never even had them when I was a kid. The hell? And of course it starts on a Friday afternoon, because now I won't be able to see a doctor until Monday. I followed Mom's advice and put a little warm oil in each ear, and then put hot compresses on them, and they feel a little better. Feh. I can't just have one thing wrong at a time. One thing goes wrong, and the rest of the body decides to revolt.
Anyway. A Friday Five:
1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?
Srtraight as can be, and very thin and fine. It's also short (I cut it yesterday, in fact) because it's too thin and fine to grow out. The longer it gets, the more stringy and limp it becomes. Plus, it grows incredibly slowly, so I get stuck in perpetual half grown out haircut mode for months and months.
2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
It hasn't, really, except for getting progressively shorter. It's been a lot of different colors: pale blonde, various shades of red, purple, odd shades of brown, pink, and a very scary black. At the moment it is in it's natural medium-blonde state, which naturally means I've gotten bored with it and want to dye it again.
3. How do your normally wear your hair?
A little bit tousled. I have to blow dry it (see the above thin-and-limp complaint) so I use a round brush to curl it just a little, then comb it with my fingers. I like low-maintenance hair.
4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
Much longer, much thicker, and maybe with some curl. And I'd probably like it to be red instead of blonde.
5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
Oh, so many. The black dye -- I looked like a corpse, and I had to have it stripped out. The horrible poodle-perm incident in high school, followed by the mushroom-head haircut. And let's not even discuss my scary big feathered hair in the '80s. There are no photos, because I burned them all.
So, this morning, my alarm jarred me awake. I cracked open a bleary eye, looked at the clock, and noted with dismay that it was 6:30, a half hour later than I normally get up. I dragged myself out of bed, wondering a bit why I was still so tired -- I felt like I hadn't slept at all. Wandered to the bathroom, put my contacts in, and looked out the window to see if it was raining. "Huh. Why is it so... dark?" I muttered. It was pitch black outside. I blinked at the window like an idiot for a few seconds, then thought to take another look at the clock. 1:13 a.m. Yeah. That bit about the alarm going off and me being late? Vivid dream, apparently. I need to start tethering myself to the bed at night, because the whole sleepwalking routine is starting to bug me. It was creepy enough when I'd wake up and find things moved around in my room, or the door open when I knew I'd closed it, or the bedclothes taken off and folded on the floor. Now I'm worried that I'm going to decide to go hang out at the bus stop in my sleep. I went right back to sleep (with my contacts in, which made my eyes very unhappy when I woke up again at the proper time. I also further proved my own idiocy by waking up, putting on my glasses, and wondering aloud why everything was so blurred and distorted for a full five minutes before I remembered that I was wearing the glasses over the contacts. Yeah.)
I've been lax in updating, as always, and stuff happened:
First off, my back truly hates me. Loads of back spasms a few weeks ago -- Jeff got to witness me wincing and swearing a lot every time I tried to move -- followed by a lovely case of sciatica. I've had back problems off and on for years -- flipping a car end-over-end will do that to you -- but not this bad. It's been nasty since I started going to the gym -- this losing weight and being healthy thing is going to kill me, I think. My mom was here last weekend, and gave me three of her Bextra tablets, which made me very happy and pain-free. Until they were gone. Now I'm back to hobbling around and swearing under my breath. I do have a doctor's appointment next Friday, though by that time my sciatic nerve will have detached itself completely from my body, or I will have thrown myself in front of a bus out of sheer annoyance.
I took a few days off from the gym to see if it would make my back settle down, and it didn't, so I started going again. I'm just not doing the weights until I get this checked out. The weight loss has slowed down, as I knew it would, but as long as it keeps creeping down, I don't mind. I'm running out of clothes I can wear, though.
The weekend before last, Claire, Josh, and Jeff were all here for a day. We met up at my house, scritched my attention-whore cat, and then went off to Boston for Thai food, a tour of Fenway Park, and a lot of wandering around. Claire has good pictures. I have a couple myself, but I'm feeling lazy, and my camera batteries are dead, so I will upload them at a later date. It was a good day -- I wish all three of them lived closer, because I don't get to see them often enough.
Last weekend, my mom was in town. We did the usual -- went shopping (I bought yarn to make a baby blanket for the baby my cousin is adopting -- hopefully, she will get the call to fly to Nepal and pick the as-yet-unnamed baby up very, very soon). I made out well during that visit -- Mom paid for the yarn, since I didn't have enough cash on me, in exchange for my buying her dinner. She also gave me a random $20 at the grocery store. Moms are good that way. We also went to an arts/crafts festival by the lake, and wandered around looking at all the shiny things for sale until we were tired and a little sunburned (it had been cool and rainy, but the sun came out in the afternoon and it got really hot and muggy.) Oh, and on the way to the festival, we passed a yard sale, and I bought a nice set of canisters for $5. Um... with Mom's $5. Heh. What can I say, she knows how poor I am right now, and I needed the canisters. One of them is holding coffee in the kitchen, and another is holding homemade bath salts I made last week. After the festival, we went to a new diner near my place, and ate ourselves into a stupor.
Sunday, we did the laundry, and took her dog for a walk down by the lake. Then, we ate lunch, chatted a bit, and then she headed for home. It was awfully quiet after she left.
This weekend, Jeff will be here... and I will be meeting the parents. I'm looking forward to it, but I'm also really nervous.
So, 3WA isn't shutting down after all! It will be changing to a paid-subscription site, which is fine with me. I figure I've gotten enough out of it for the last three years that it only makes sense to pay to help keep it going. I know Sara was ready to let it go, and I also know she put in a lot of work figuring out how to keep it going, and I appreciate it. (I've also read some comments on a couple of different websites accusing Sara and Stee of threatening to shut the site down deliberately, in order to manipulate people into sending them money. Say that in my presence, and I will bite you. They were both very open about the decision to close, and about their reasons for deciding not to, and I believe them. I do, however, wholeheartedly agree that Sara should be henceforth known as The Princess of Manhattan, though.)
And now, on to a Friday Five:
1. How many times have you truly been in love?
Hmmm. Twice, I guess. I was madly in love with my college boyfriend, Eric. I'm a little torn, here, because I know I was in love with my ex-husband, but I honestly can't remember why, now.
2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?
Eric was my best friend. I always felt like he knew me better than anyone else, and liked me in spite of the flaws. (And vice versa -- I felt the same way about him.) He was also there during a very difficult time for me -- my parents had just split up in an ugly way, and I had the worst roommates ever, and was not coping well. He was an absolute rock, though I'm sure it was very hard for him. I was pretty needy at the time. I couldn't help it, but I still felt bad about it.
The ex... well, see above. I don't remember. I do know he could make me laugh until I cried, and that he could be very sweet when he wanted to be, but it was all so mixed up with other, much less pleasant crap that it sort of got lost.
3. What qualities should a significant other have?
Honesty. I have a hard time trusting people, and not being honest with me is one thing that will send me running for the hills. A good sense of humor. A great deal of patience. A mind of his own.
4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I don't think so. I hope not, at any rate. I've only ever broken up with two people -- one was a sweet but very dumb guy I dated for a month before college -- I had to break up with him three times before he finally realized that I meant it. I'm sure he was hurt, but I don't think it was a heartbreak sort of thing. If it was, I'm sorry for it, but I had tried to make it as clear as I could that it wasn't going to be a long-term relationship. The other was the second guy I dated in college, and he'd already broken up with me (and given my heart a good bruising in the process.) He kept calling and wanting to see me after he dumped me, though, which was weird. He seemed to want me to be his girlfriend when it suited him, and I wasn't willing to do that. I never doubted that he cared about me, and I do think he loved me, but... he had some pretty major issues he needed to deal with. He wasn't really in any state to be in a relationship, and it was abundantly clear that we would never be able to be "just friends." So, I told him he needed to stop calling me, and that I couldn't handle seeing him any more. He was in self-destruct mode at the time, and didn't take it well, but again, I don't think I broke his heart. I think it was already pretty well broken by other things. I do wonder what happened with him -- I still worry about whether he's okay.
5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?
Oh, God, I don't know. I'm not the girl to ask, really. I guess I would say: be careful. Love can be the best thing in the world, but it can also really, really suck. The idea that Love Conquers All is, in my opinion, bullshit. Sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it doesn't matter how much you love someone; it can't always keep a relationship going.
Wow, that was a downer. I'm coming across as much more cynical than I mean to, I think. I'm not all anti-love, here. It's just something I'm trying to figure out, and having a hard time with. I've not had that much experience with it, and the last time around... well, that made me very, very cynical. So I'm trying to find the line between being careful, and being too guarded. I have, in the past, just put myself right out there, and given my heart to someone too quickly, and when I really shouldn't have. I've let myself be a doormat, because I figured that if someone liked me, I should do whatever I could to make them keep liking me. I also figured that, hey, it's not like guys are falling all over themselves to be with me, so I'd better take the chance when it's offered. Hi, self-esteem issues, much? So yeah, I've learned from that, and I don't plan to do it again. Ironically enough, being cheated on and treated like dirt was what taught me to get over those issues. I am worth more than that, and I don't have to put up with being unhappy just to please someone else.
However. I have gotten far too accustomed to my own company. I'm perfectly happy on my own, most of the time. So much so that it's hard to let someone else in. I'm working on that, because while it may be comfortable, it's not really healthy. I don't want to isolate myself. I do value my independence, but I don't want to keep myself so closed off that it's impossible to have a relationship. I'm cautiously optimistic, right now. I'm trying, anyway, and that's the best I can do.