Hey, look what I did! I fixed my template, without breaking it or anything! Yay!
Hey. See, I knew I shouldn't have said that thing about writing lots of short entries. Sorry. I mean to, but then I start watching Angel DVDs, and, well, there you go.
I'm a bit sick at the moment. I got sent home early Monday, and took Tuesday off, but I still have a killer sinus headache and a random fever. I felt better today, in spite of my boss repeatedly telling me how awful I looked. There's a morale booster for you!
The weekend was mostly good -- Saturday was spent doing the mundane chores -- laundry, cleaning, etc. But it was nice out, so I didn't mind. And for a change, I didn't attract any crazy people in the laundromat. Yay, me!
Sunday, Jeff visited, and there was a trip to Harvard Square, and greasy-spoon food, and shopping (and too much money spent by me, but hey, I have British candy, and two new DVDs, so that's all good) and movie-watching. Jeff is a sweet guy. It's a change -- I'm not used to nice guys. I'm used to guys wanting me to be different, and playing head games, and there's none of that. Nice is good, I think.
Monday and Tuesday were a haze of naps and daytime TLC shows -- I really should stop watching TLC during the day. I get weepy over A Wedding Story, and then freaked out by A Baby Story. Today, I reapplied for that job in New Hampshire that I didn't get back in May -- the position is open again, and they seemed to like me a lot last time, in spite of turning me down. I do love the library, and I fell madly in love with the town, so I'm hoping... I'll probably get shot down again, but hey, sending the resume can't hurt, right?
Tonight, I learned that my dad is part of a somewhat wacky religious group -- they meet in secret, and speak in tongues, and have visions of angels, and there's something involving sparkly "glory dust." I don't get it, myself, but if it makes him happy, that's fine with me. What I have a hard time with is his new reputation as a holy man, of sorts -- best pals with God. I know him better than that. He cheated on my mom multiple times, the last time with a married woman, so he broke up two families in one fell swoop. He told me every day for twenty-odd years that I was stupid, useless, fat, and ugly -- and those were the good conversations. He thinks his son is a failure. He ignores both of us completely -- I stopped trying a couple of years ago, but my brother still tries to stay in touch, and gets treated like dirt in return. I'd like to think he's changed, but he hasn't, and he won't. He's abusive, and arrogant, and I don't miss him... usually. It does still hurt sometimes -- it's hard knowing that my father couldn't care less about me. It's hard knowing that I probably never even cross his mind. I don't miss him making me hate myself, and I don't miss the pain he inflicted, but I do find it hard to accept that my father thinks I'm worthless, that I'm nothing to him. My mom more than makes up for it in love and friendship, but still, that sting is there. And I hate it.
Ahem. Sorry. Didn't want to go there, really. It's just bugging me. Here's a cute cat story to counteract it: last night, I accidentally stepped on Smoke's paw. I didn't mean to -- she just has this thing where she likes to creep up behind me and stand right behind my feet. I stepped back, right onto her foot, and she yolwed -- it did scare me, because I had shoes on, and was worried I'd hurt her foot. She hopped off favoring her back leg, and hid under my bed. A bit later, she came out, and I checked her foot, and it was fine, but she was bery, very mad at me. She sat on the steps for an hour or so scowling at me (and yes, cats can scowl. Furrowed brow and everything.) At one point, she ran up to me for a pat, then stopped, remembered she was mad at me, and stalked off in a huff. She's cute when she's pissed off. It's all forgiven today, apparently.
I left work at 2 o'clock today, to join in the anti-war march the local colleges were doing. It was sort of funny -- my coworker and I both wanted to go, but we were figuring only one of us would be able to, what with scheduling and desk coverage and whatnot. When we mentioned it to our boss, though, she pretty much insisted that we both go, and volunteered to watch the desk for us. Pretty cool of her, I must say. So, J. and I collected another coworker, A., and her very adorable puppy, and we headed off to the rally. We didn't get there early enough to make signs or anything -- we did sit around and watch people go all gushy over the dog -- he's a ten-week-old white German Shepherd, and quite possibly the cutest puppy ever to exist. He's a little white puffball -- sort of looks like a dandelion with eyes and floppy ears. He was also very good -- calm and laid-back, in spite of all the people and noise. I think it was his first venture out into a crowd, and he was very, very good. He's a big cuddle-slut, and would happily accept scritches and pats from anyone who came along. He also had his own little fan club going -- at one point, the kids around us were chanting "Puppies for peace!" Hee.
So. The march. I'd never done anything like that before. It was, surprisingly, a lot of fun. The news said there were about 4,000 people marching -- I couldn't tell, since we were near the front. There were helicopters circling overhead (sometimes hovering disturbingly low) and a ton of cops on motorcycles. I expected more nastiness from onlookers, I guess -- there was one guy in a pickup truck waving a flag and giving us the finger, and one woman who gave us a thumbs-down as we passed, and a few random people yelling, but mostly we got cheers and encouragement. The people in the offices along the route waved and made peace signs. One older guy grabbed my arm and said "You should be ashamed. I remember September 11th." I smiled and said "So do I. That's one of the reasons I'm here." He just blinked at me. I'm sure traffic was a mess -- the Mass. Ave. bridge was shut down for a bit, and the streets were closed while we walked through -- I think we must have taken up all of Boylston Street at one point. But on the whole, it was good. I know it won't make a bit of difference in what's happening, but it felt good to... well, to make a statement, as cheesy as that sounds. I hate what we're doing in Iraq. I know Hussein is bad, and I know he shouldn't be in power, but what we're doing isn't right, either. It's the wrong time, we have other concerns we should be addressing, and we're acting like global bullies, and I hate it. So, I went out and made that statement. I don't think I want to say any more about it. (And anyone who might be tempted to email me about it, just close that email client right now.)
In other news, I'm liking this new format. There are two things I want to fix -- it sucks that you have to leave an email address to post a comment (I like comments!) and it also sucks that I don't get a notification when someone leaves a comment. I'll see what I can do about that. I'm sort of hoping that this format will inspire me to write more often -- maybe shorter, more frequent entries. I am lazy, though, so that may just be wishful thinking.
I'm in the process of moving all my archives here, since the lovely and talented Claire switched me over to Moveable Type. Be patient, it'll be finished soon. If anything doesn't work or looks funky to you, let me know.
On my way back from buying lunch, I saw my boss and her boss out in front of our building, looking up into the trees and pointing. As I got closer, they said "Look! Hawks!" I turned, and there was a huge hawk in the tree behind me, just at the edge of the little plaza in front of the building. He was sitting on a low branch, turning his head to check us out (possibly deciding whether we looked tasty or not). There is apparently another one hiding out in one of the other trees -- we can't see it, but the branches keep moving and rustling. We're hoping that it's a female, and that she's making a nest. The one I did see, which we're assuming is the male of the pair, took off from his branch, flew a couple of feet over our heads, and then went off to chase pigeons and squirrels. He's gorgeous. I hope they stick around -- he didn't seem to mind the people walking by and stopping to watch him, but that may change if they nest and have babies. Maybe we can train them to pick off the more annoying students... if they do stay, I'll have to remember to bring my camera in to take pictures of them.
This has been the longest week ever. Each day at work is The Day That Will Not End. I haven't been sleeping well, so I'm tired all day, and it's hot in here. I haven't fallen asleep at my desk yet, but it's been a struggle.
Okay, here's a thing that's been weirding me out lately: there is a small cafeteria in the building next door. I usually go there for lunch, since it's close by and cheap. (The food is also pretty mediocre, but I don't really care that much.) One of the cashiers has taken to giving me free lunch every day. She used to randomly undercharge me -- like, I'd get a sandwich, some chips, and a bottle of juice, and she'd only charge me for the chips and the juice. I'd point it out, and she'd say "Oh, my mistake, don't worry about it." Lately, though, when I get in line, she'll nod to me and say "You're all set," and wave me on without taking my money. I have no idea why. It's not like we're the best of friends -- I don't even know her name. Maybe I just look really poor to her. The thing is, I feel really funny about it -- guilty, I guess. I don't want her to get in trouble, and I do always have the money to pay. I've actually gone elsewhere for lunch the past few days because of it. Is that weird? Am I just being a big freak about it? What would you do?
And now, a Friday Five:
1. Do you like talking on the phone? Why or why not?
Depends on my mood. Generally, I don't like talking on the phone, but I do call my mom almost every day, and I get into chatty moods every now and again. I don't know why I don't usually like talking on the phone -- maybe it's because I can't really do anything else while I'm on the phone. Plus, it always seems to ring when I'm up to my elbows in dirty dishes, or I have to pee, or something. Also, my cat has some sort of phone fetish, and is compelled to demand cuddling from me whenever I'm on the phone. It's not because I'm talking -- she doesn't do it when I talk to her, or when I'm talking to someone in person. If I have the phone in my hand, though, she has to be cuddled. Last night she got in trouble because she sank her claws into my arm while I was on the phone, the little snot.
2. Who is the last person you talked to on the phone?
My brother, last night. I had emailed him, and he called to answer a computer question, and to tell me about his pet hamster, Twiggy.
3. About how many telephones do you have at home?
One regular phone, in the living room. My roommate and I each have a cell phone, too.
4. Have you encountered anyone who has really bad phone manners? What happened?
Does general rudeness count? I've gotten some rude telemarketers. The worst was a guy calling from the local police station, soliciting donations for their gym. I listened to his spiel, then explained that I had no money at the moment, and couldn't help. He sneered "Yeah, I hear that a lot. Now, how much are you going to donate?" Now, at the time, I had a whopping four bucks to my name. My mom had just sent me a box of food so that I would have something to eat; if she hadn't, I would have gone hungry until I got a paycheck. I was not in the mood for shit like that. I told the guy off and hung up on him. We get a fair number of manners-impaired students on the phones here -- people who call with music blaring in the background, or who eat while talking, stuff like that.
5. Would you rather pick up the phone and call someone or write them an e-mail or a letter? Why or why not? Depends on my mood. Generally, I'll write emails, because I can't call people while I'm at work, and that's usually when I have the urge to chat. (Procrastination, you know.) Also, I'll email if I really don't have much to say. I sort of miss writing letters; the last time I wrote an actual letter was my freshman year of college, I think. I only stopped because apparently none of my friends like writing letters -- I'd write long letters to them, and either get a phone call or a short note back. If anyone wants to write me a letter, let me know! I'll write back, I promise!
Now, I am off to go watch for the hawks some more. Have a good weekend!
I'm tired, for no good reason. I went to bed at my usual time, slept so deeply I didn't even move all night, and yet I can't keep my eyes open. I foresee a nap on the T in my very near future.
I was expecting to have creepy dreams last night, because I finally watched The Exorcist, but it didn't creep me out as much as I'd expected it to. I made me cover my eyes and wince a few times, and I may have yelped at one point, but other than a slight case of the jitters when I went out into the dark back yard for a cigarette afterward, it didn't really bother me. I'm a big wuss about horror movies, so I was surprised.
The results of the unpleasant upper GI exam I had on Monday are in -- a hiatal hernia. How sexy is that? It appears to not be severe, as I'm on medication that's working really well. I do have to see a gastroenterologist next month, though.
And now, a Friday Five:
1. What was the last song you heard?
Hmmm... this morning, it was Tom Waits, Jockey Full of Bourbon.
2. What were the last two movies you saw?
The Exorcist, last night, and Notorious C.H.O on Wednesday night, if that counts as a movie. If not, then it was X-Men on... Monday, I think.
3. What were the last three things you purchased?
A big, expensive present to myself -- a Playstation 2 and two games. Tax refunds rock.
4. What four things do you need to do this weekend?
Sleep. Clean the nasty bathroom. Clean my even messier room. Grocery shop. There are more, but those are the first to spring to mind.
5. Who are the last five people you talked to?
A whole lot of students. Actual conversations... three coworkers (one general bitch session, one conversation about a coworker's new puppy, and on elong discussion about hockey), and my mom and grandmother last night. I forgot my grandmother's birthday. I suck. (Grandma didn't mind, but still.)
And now, I'm off. Have a good weekend!
No updates lately. I haven't been in much of a mood to write. I keep meaning to, and then I close my browser and wander off for a while.
The one thing I've been wanting to write about is the thing that has been making me cry off and on for a week or so now... you see, I post to an online forum. I've met a lot of very cool, very interesting people there. I've made some very good friends -- some I know very well now, and some I want to get to know better. Laurie was in the latter catagory. We interected a bit on the boards, and I thought she seemed like a hell of a lot of fun. We didn't talk much -- I was a bit shy around her, and rarely knew what to say. We did banter back and forth in chat a lot, and she always made me laugh. She was also incredibly strong, and brave. See, she had cancer. She kept us all updated on the boards, giving us reports on how she was doing -- for a while, she seemed to be getting better. Everyone was happy. Then, she took a turn for the worse, and on February 25, she passed away. I'd known it was coming -- she had been fighting it for so long, and she was so tired -- but it still stunned me. I still have the birthday card she sent me -- it was a complete surprise, because she was surrounded by so many good friends on the boards and in real life that I never knew I'd made any sort of impact on her. The message she sent was sweet, and made me tear up a bit. I printed it out and saved it; it's tucked away in a photo album. I never got the chance to meet her, but she still left a mark on me, and I'll miss her.
Other things keeping me from updating -- I blew my tax refund money in a very irresponsible way. I bought a Playstation 2. I bought two ganmes with it: Crash Team Racing, and Silent Hill 2. I have been playing CTR so much I have a small blister on my left thumb. I tried Silent Hill 2, and gave myself a case of the creeps -- that one is best left until daylight, I think.
I also had to have an upper GI exam today, which sucked mightily. I had to be there at 8:15, and was not allowed to eat or drink anything beforehand -- I'm rarely hungry before work, but I do wake up thirsty, and I need my coffee. The exam itself wasn't too bad -- the barium liquid they make you drink is foul, but I could see the monitor for part of it, and the pictures were neat, in a gross kind of way. My stomach has been very unhappy ever since, though, so I'm going to go soothe it with a cup of tea.