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June 18, 2002
Hi!
So, thanks to the lovely Claire and a graphic from the wonderful Patrick, I have a shiny new site! Whee! I'm keeping the LiveJournal, and will likely use it for weblog-type stuff and little brain dumps, and for now my archives will continue to reside at my old site.
So, on to yet more June Journal Smackdown...
I don't cry very often, and when I do, it's usually for a good reason -- or at least for reasons that are important to me. I cry when I'm heavily stressed out, little meltdowns that release a bit of the tension and leave me feeling more clear-headed, calmer, more able to tackle whatever is causing the stress. I cry when someone I care about hurts me. I cry at sad movies, but then, doesn't everyone?
There are annoying, stupid things that make me cry, though. Christmas music always makes me choke up -- not the crappy schlock you hear in malls and such, but Christmas hymns you sing in church. Silent Night always leaves me sniffling. Christmas Eve services are among my favorite things, but I can never get through them dry-eyed. Why? I have no idea. It's not like they depress me. Any music that strikes me as exceptionally beautiful makes me tear up, and when you combine Christmas hymns (which I love) with the soft candlelight that usually goes along with the service... it's just really pretty. And that makes me cry. It also annoys the daylights out of me -- I get distracted from the service by my attempts to keep from blubbering like a fool. (I'm not one of those delicate, pretty criers. No, I get all red and blotchy and hiccuppy, and my nose runs like a faucet. It's charming, really.)
The other annoying thing goes right along with what Chickie said. I cry when I'm angry. I have one hell of a temper, though I don't lose it often. I think I can count the number of times I've been really, really angry on one hand, plus maybe a finger or two. And when I do lose my temper, everyone around me knows it. I swear, I yell, I slam doors... and I cry. I absolutely hate it, but I can't help it. When I get angry, it's over some sort of injustice, something that has hurt me or someone I love. I get angry when I'm trying to find a way to fix that injustice, and confront the person responsible. The immediate crying just makes me feel weak, and that just makes me angrier, only at myself instead of the other person. I've tried all sorts of things to avoid it -- deep breaths, counting to ten, waiting to deal with whatever the situation is until I've cooled down a little -- it doesn't work. I have found myself avoiding problematic situations because I'm afraid the resulting confrontation will make me lose my cool, and that's not a good thing. I don't want to end up letting problems fester because I'm too afriad of the waterworks to deal with the situation. I like Chickie's idea for handling it, though -- don't piss me off, and we'll all be just fine!
Posted by Mary Ellen at June 18, 2002 09:30 AM