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July 24, 2000
Time alone.
Here's a pet peeve of mine: people who say they're going to do something, then blow you off completely. I'm trying to sell my bike. (Anybody want it? I got an email early last week from a guy who was interested, and wanted to stop by and look at it this weekend. I had planned to go to the Cape with my roommate, but I am so poor right now that selling the bike takes precedence over any other plans. So I told Beth I'd go with her next weekend, and told the guy to come by Sunday afternoon. He never showed. I was hoping that, when I got to work today, I would find an email from him, apologizing and giving me a damn good reason -- there was none. This afternoon, I got a breezy little note from him saying that he just had some stuff to do, so he decided not to stop by. Grrr.
So, rather than doing anything much interesting this weekend, I hung around the house. I did go out with Beth Friday night, to hear the Gladstones play at the Lizard Lounge in Cambridge. It was a lot of fun -- Beth and I got dolled up (well, she did -- I actually combed my hair and put on lip gloss, which is about as much dolling up as I do) while dancing around the apartment to Lauryn Hill, and I met a lot of new people -- I am all about meeting new people right now. I got so isolated from friends over the last four years that I am very eager to meet new ones.
Saturday I loafed around in my pajamas until around 2, flirted with the idea of doing laundry, and played endless games of Mah Jongg on the computer instead. Watched TV, read, chatted on the phone... very dull, yes, but very nice. Sunday I actually managed to get dressed before noon (barely) and went and did laundry. I think I'm some sort of freak -- I like going to the laundromat. I like the dryer smells, I like watching my clothes tumble around in the washer, and I like being able to sit and read guilt-free, because I can't do anything else -- I have to wait for my clothes, after all. Then I went home to wait for Mr. No-Show, and for my grocery delivery, which was only slightly wrong this week. (They gave me pears instead of apples. I can deal. The week they forgot the ice cream, now, was a crisis.) Cleaned the catbox, loafed around, chatted on the phone, watched TV... it's a dull existence, but I don't mind.
I'm still working on being okay spending time by myself. Sure, given the choice I'd rather be with someone else -- my company isn't that exciting, after all. But I used to be very happy on my own -- in college, people looked at me funny because I would willingly eat in the dining hall alone -- just me and a book. I still tend to avoid eating with people at work, because I like having that hour of uninterrupted time. I have lost the knack for it, though -- when you live with someone, you tend to do that. (Pamie hit the nail right on the head today.) And I want to get it back -- I want to be comfortable with just me again. And now I'm off to make a grilled cheese.
Oh, and don't forget -- the notify list is now a discussion list. I'll try to ask questions for each entry, but I want you guys to post stuff too. Discuss amongst yourselves. Argue and stuff.
Posted by Mary Ellen at July 24, 2000 04:10 PM