Smoke and Mirrors

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June 20, 2000

A whole lot of rambling (I do that a lot, don't I?)

Sorry there was no entry yesterday. I got scolded for using my e-mail too much at work (though I'm on it far lass than I used to be, only for about an hour off and on in the morning, and an hour in the afternoon) so I figured sneaking in an update from my desk might be a bad idea. I have a feeling I got scolded because of a complaint from a bitchy coworker -- she's old, and sour, and retiring very soon. She does absolutely no work -- she's on break for at least four hours a day. When she's actually here, she either sits in the back staff area and sleeps, or, if she's forced to help out at the circulation desk, she ignores everyone and plays solitaire on the computer, or sleeps. It irritates me to no end that she's so blatant about it, but no one says anything. My boss is very nonconfrontational, and rarely bothers to say anything to anyone. I think I could probably turn a pack of goats loose in the stacks, and set the reference collection on fire, and the most I would get would be a little talking-to. I think the Sour Old Coworker is angry because I ratted her out a couple of months ago. Both my boss and the other person who works with me, Oliver, were away at a meeting. That left me and SOC to watch the desk. SOC was supposed to come to the desk at 10, let me go on a break, then stay at the desk until Boss Lady and Oliver got back. She came to the desk at 10, grudgingly let me have a break, then disappeared. I saw her leave at aroung 10:15, and she came back at 11:45, carrying shopping bags from the nearby mall. I wouldn't have cared -- I usually don't mind working alone -- but the desk had been busy, and I had to go to the bathroom, and I wanted a drink of water... and I had heard my boss tell her to stay at the desk with me. When Boss Lady returned and asked if SOC had stayed at the desk, I said no -- I didn't add that she'd gone shopping, figuring that would just cause a scene. I just said I didn't know where she'd gone, but she certainly wasn't anywhere near the desk.

Anyway. The updates may get even more sporadic, because after today I may just try to use my roommate's computer.

Here's a tip: getting cheap cologne in your eye is a bad idea. Soaking your contact lenses overnight in cheap cologne is a far worse idea (though it does give your eyeballs an interesting scent...) I learned this yesterday. My roommate's boyfriend lives with us. He's a very nice guy, so having him there is no problem. He uses the shelf right above mine in the bathroom. I keep all of my contact lens crap on my shelf, and he keeps his shaving stuff on his. He has a big bottle of Brut. (Yuck. I know.) The bottle had a crack in it, and apparently some Brut leaked into my contact lens case during the day. I didn't notice it when I took my lenses out -- I didn't get the case anywhere near my nose, after all, and since he had recently showered, I didn't think much of the fact that the bathroom reeked of cologne. In the morning, I tried to put my lenses in as usual, and... YOW! Pain! Big blinding pain! And... wait a minute... why does my contact lens "smell like a man?" I did manage to save the lenses -- much scrubbing and soaking seems to have gotten the cologne out. Both my roommate and her boyfriend felt terrible about it -- but I figured the lenses are a year and a half old anyway, and badly need replacing, so I would feel dishonest asking them to pay for it. As long as I can see, that's all that matters.

Watched Being John Malkovitch last night. Weird movie. Very enjoyable, very funny in parts, but very very weird.

Oh, and I saw Barry in the laundromat Sunday morning. He looks like hell -- he's lost a lot of weight (and he was skinny to begin with) and his hairline is receding at an astonishing rate. He looks like he's not sleeping. When he saw me, his face went white, and he got up and went outside. I went out for a smoke a little while later, and saw him sitting on the curb crying. And I have no sympathy. If he's unhappy, he's brought it on himself. I'm enjoying getting used to my own company again. I'm enjoying doing whatever I want, going wherever I want, and just being me without worrying about him getting angry with me. I don't miss the constant criticism. Sure, I miss the good parts -- I miss his sense of humor, I miss calling him during the day to say hello -- but the bad far outweighed the good. And it surprised and pleased me that I wasn't very upset when I saw him. My hands started shaking, and my stomach knotted up, but I didn't leave. I went and did the laundry (call me crazy -- I like going to the laundromat. It's relaxing, in a weird way.) and read my book, and when he left, I didn't feel like crying. I felt stronger, even knowing that he was likely going home to his girlfriend. At least I can handle my life on my own, without the need to use someone else as a crutch.

Posted by Mary Ellen at June 20, 2000 03:03 PM

Comments

Posted by: Debi at July 24, 2003 08:56 PM

Posted by: Mary Ellen at July 24, 2003 09:34 PM

Posted by: Sasha at September 18, 2003 11:32 PM

Posted by: PP at June 8, 2004 04:05 PM