« Bruises and bugs. | Main | I like me some Stephen King. »
June 13, 2000
Bored, restless, cranky and sad.
I'm in a rotten mood. I kept trying to write an entry today, and I can't sit still or concentrate long enough to get more than a few sentences down. I'm too damn depressed to write anything funny, and too restless and edgy to even rant. I don't know what my problem is. Work was far too slow, so I didn't have enough to occupy my time. There weren't any mindless tasks to accomplish. There weren't even any books needing to be shelved. So I sat and fidgeted and surfed and stewed all day. I check my e-mail obessively, and my inbox is always empty.
I went out for dinner with some friends, and couldn't think of anything to talk about. They're nice people, but I think they're afraid to mention the divorce, since Barry and I used to hang out with them -- two married couples, doing couple things. So it was this great big awkward thing, pretty much sitting right in the middle of the table. I thought about saying "Look, you can talk about it. You can ask me stuff," but I didn't want to make them feel awkward, and I didn't really want to talk about it, anyway. I just wanted the awkwardness to go away.
On an unrelated note, I've gotten lots of e-mail about scary bugs you're all scared of. Now I'm remembering all sorts of other bugs that creep me out. Joanne informed me that the awful little bugs with the pincers that lived in the basement of our old house were earwigs -- I never knew that.
Last night I ussed my lovely new stereo (oh how I love my new stereo) and made a mix tape of all the good break-up songs I could find. Between my CD collection and my roommate's, I got a pretty good selection. I've got the angry-girl stuff (Alanis Morrisette, who I usually hate, but in this case I made an exception) sad-girl stuff, and some funny stuff, too. There's a song called "Ugly Girl" by Fleming and John that makes me howl laughing -- it's sung from the point of view of a woman whose boyfriend has left her for an ugly woman. I can really relate -- and I wish I could tape the song and somehow slip it into Barry's Walkman. I mean, his new girlfriend isn't a hag, she's just so plain and drab I can't remember what she looks like five minutes after I've seen her. I'm no Miss America, but still.
I'm going to go pace, I think. Maybe run some laps. I really need to relax.
Posted by Mary Ellen at June 13, 2000 02:15 PM