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June 01, 2000
Just rambling...
Hmm... I haven't really got much to say, today. I have somehow managed to hurt my back -- probably from lifting the 8 million books that were returned to the library after the long weekend, and sleeping on a mattress on the floor doesn't help -- so I'm hobbling around work like a little old lady, wincing every time I stand up or sit down, and just generally cranky about the whole thing. (Well, the crankiness isn't much of a change...)
Talked to my mom on the phone for a probably obscene amount of time last night -- venting. Venting is good. And moms are great for that sort of thing. I read an article about the stages of grief one goes through during a divorce, and it made sense. They're basically the same stages you go through after someone dies -- denial, anger, depression, acceptance. I'm waffling between anger and denial right now. The depression hasn't really hit yet, mostly because I know that I'm better off without Barry. I do miss him, of course, and the thought of him with someone else makes me sick, but I know, deep down, that we likely would have broken up sooner or later. Better now than five years and two kids later. He's essentially a very selfish person. Everything in our relationship always revolved around him, his moods, his wants and needs. He was happiest, IS happiest, when he has someone paying undivided attention to him. He resented my friends, my family, and my schooling, because they took my attention off him. He's weak, and I don't need or want someone weak.
But still... things were not all bad, and it's the little good things I miss. It'll get better with time, I know. Damn, I wasn't going to vent about this here... oh well. Sorry.
I get to take a half-day tomorrow, because the furniture folks are delivering my new split box springs and a bed frame. Big strong delivery men, hmmmm.... well, the thought of having a real bed again is more appealing to me than big strapping men, at least at the moment...
Posted by Mary Ellen at June 1, 2000 02:44 PM