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May 22, 2000
Fun with hair dye!
I'm in a better mood today. In fact, I'm in a great mood. I don't really know why -- only one reason I can think of, and I'll get to that in a minute.
I had a fairly good weekend. Went to hang out with a recently-divorced friend Friday night, and she dyed my hair red -- "A nice sassy color will help! I promise!" -- and I really do like it. Playing with hair dye is always a fun thing. We talked, drank a lot of wine, smoked too many cigarettes, and generally had fun. She makes me laugh, which is all I really want people to do right now.
Saturday night I spent some time with Patrick and Lee, watching TV and eating far too much Chinese food. Lee's graduation from Simmons was Sunday morning, so Patrick picked me up and we went to watch her get her degree. The ceremony was mercifully short, which was good as it was damn cold, and wearing a skirt outdoors on a cold day is just not fun. I am proud of Lee, though, and jealous, since it will be another three years before I'm up on that stage.
Sunday afternoon was spent packing. I went through a dresser we use for storage, and found the shoebox full of silly little cards. love notes, and photos Barry and I have collected over the past four years. Back when we worked together and weren't allowed to let anyone know we were dating, we wrote reams of love notes to each other. The box is full of little scraps of different-colored paper, some with just a few silly words, some filled with longer notes dealing with some problem or fight. It hurt going through them -- I could remember writing most of them, and remembered the hope and anticipation I felt for the future with him. And I'm wondering where all that went -- I didn't lose it, really, but he has, and I still don't know why. I kept some pictures, and a couple of the notes, but the rest I left behind. He may well throw it all out, but I hope he at least glances through it.
So now I have a pathetic little pile of boxes, suitcases and trash bags in the dining room. All of my stuff, which has intermingled with his for four years, looks pitiful just sitting there. And he still couldn't understand why I was sad yesterday, and why I can't be his friend anymore, whether I want to or not.
One week until I move out. I'll file the papers tomorrow -- sudden, yes, but that's the way it has to be.
Last night I spoke to an old friend -- my oldest friend, I think. He was my college boyfriend, and my first true love. Luckily, we stayed friends after the breakup -- probably better friends than we were when we were dating. I had lost touch with him, since Barry was very jealous of him. I got his number from his mother, and he called last night. We talked for an hour -- and it was like the distance and the time apart didn't exist. I missed him -- I'm not giving a name or any other detail unless he tells me I can, but I feel much better for having talked to him.
Posted by Mary Ellen at May 22, 2000 02:34 PM