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January 30, 2000
In which we explore the seedy underbelly of Somerville
Lee, Patrick, and I discovered an apparent portal to Hell last night. I'm tempted to call that "Sightings" show and have them come investigate, because the horrors we saw last night are just too unreal.
It all started pleasantly enough. We had all been planning to go see The Cider House Rules for about three weeks, and finally were able to get together last night. I met Lee and Patrick in the mall across from where they work, and we went hunting for birthday cards for some of Patrick's friends. The plan was, we would get the cards, go get some dinner, and then head to the Good Times Emporium in Somerville, where Patrick's friends were having a combined birthday party. None of us had ever been to the Good Times Emporium -- I had been past it a few times, and had heard rumors that it was a bit seedy, but I was completely unprepared for the reality of it.
We went to dinner at Pizzeria Uno, where, instead of calling your name or giving you a pager that buzzes when your table is ready, they give you this cool little coaster that lights up. And regardless of what Patrick says, I did NOT set off the coaster -- yes, I was poking at it, and it lit up and startled me, but I didn't set it off. I swear. Well, maybe I did, but hey, we got seated really fast.
When we got to the strip mall where the Good Times is located, the parking lot was jammed. There were small herds of suburban gangsta kids milling around, and a line of people waiting to go in. From the outside, it looks like a smallish arcade -- a grown-up Chuck E. Cheese, as Patrick described it. We debated even going in for a minute -- the line worried us, and we didn't know if there was a cover charge. But we decided to at least try to find Patrick's friends -- at least we had already eaten dinner, so we wouldn't have to stay long. We braved the crowds and went inside. Just inside the door were three huge, brawny bouncers... that was made me a little nervous. Why, I wondered, would they need three bouncers with biceps bigger than my head? "You drinkin' tonight?" one of them barked at me -- I assume he took my yelp of fright as a no. We ventured inside to find Patrick's friends.
The Good Times Emporium is mind-bogglingly big. It's easily the size of a football field. It's big, and dark, and grimy. And the smell... cigarette smoke you could cut with a knife, beer, sweat, cheap cologne, and vomit, all blended into one thick, vile stench. I initially couldn't see anything, because my contact lenses got a whiff of the air and tried to crawl back into my skull to save themselves. The first thing I saw when my vision cleared was a group of middle-aged men with mullet haircuts, in acid-washed, pegged jeans and wife-beater undershirts. I made the mistake of making eye contact with one of them. He leered and winked, and I decided the safest course of action would be to latch onto Laurie's sleeve and keep my eyes on the floor. Herds of women with hair the size of Volkswagons, and makeup apparently applied with a paint roller. Crowds of people chugging Bud Ice and trying to get lucky. We shuffled through the building, looking for Patrick's friends and trying not to touch anything. We didn't find them, which was a good thing -- we might have had to stay. After one quick pass through the place, we headed for the door and fresh air. We spent the whole ride to the movie theater shuddering and whimpering, scarred from the experience.
I honestly can't figure out the appeal of a place like that. Who would find that place fun? It's dark and smelly. It's like a warehouse in the garbage dump. It's AWFUL. And yet there were so many people there, and they all really seemed to want to be there. We were very happy to settle into our seats in the nice new theater, with our sodas and Sno-Caps... although every now and then, Patrick would mumble "I don't know, this is nice, but it's no Good Times Emporium!"
The Cider House Rules was brilliant. There wasn't a thing about it I didn't like, and I'm generally very critical of movie versions of my favorite books. I usually refuse to see movie adaptations, but since John Irving wrote the screenplay, I figured it would have to be good, and it was perfect. The characters even looked the way I had envisioned them when I read the book. If you haven't seen it, go. Go now. Stop reading, and go this instant.
Posted by Mary Ellen at January 30, 2000 06:20 PM